


Through her eyes.

by AwkwardSpaceBean



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clarke is australian, Clexa, F/F, Finn is still an asshole., Jake is still dead, Lexa is still from DC, Slight Clarke and Finn relationship, Telepathy, They're in each other's heads, long distance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 12:24:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9123478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwkwardSpaceBean/pseuds/AwkwardSpaceBean
Summary: Clarke and Lexa live in two different parts of the world.Clarke in London, and Lexa, in DC.Clarke is a party girl who drinks to forget, and does poorly in school. She goes to a correctional boarding school.Lexa is fully committed to school and ballet.She goes to The District of Columbia school for Dance, which she is on scholarship to.They have no idea about each other, they've never seen or heard of the other before.But one weird night brings them closer than ever.(I didn't have a prewritten summary for this. I'll write a better one and fix it, but give it a chance I guess.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago but I should begin to write more to this story too.  
> I hope you enjoy.  
> This isn't beta'd. All mistakes are mine.  
> I don't work on a schedule but I try to update at least one chapter a week.

My entire life has been one weird trip, dream, or something in between. But trust me when I say It’s been strange.

When I was little unexplained things would happen. Not even doctors knew what was going on.

I was ten when the first major situation happened. 

_*Flashback*_

_I sit at the table for breakfast with my mom. She asks how I slept, about my dreams, just breakfast small talk._

_Before I know it I’m looking straight ahead, screaming and shaking. Not like scared shaking either, like seizure shaking. Then I fall out of my chair and I’m pretty much out cold._

_I wake up in a hospital room._

_Upon opening my eyes my mother rushes to my side; pushing stands of hair out of my face. Her eyes are red, and her hair is frazzled. “Oh my god Clarke, Are you okay?? What happened??”_

_I immediately start crying. Overwhelmed and scared. “I was in a car crash. I swear. I thought you died. I mean, you did die. You were there, you looked different but you were my mom and you died.”_

_“Clarke, honey what are you on about??” She asked, her hands cupping my cheeks. Wiping away my tears._

_“I swear mom; I was in a car crash. That’s what happened!” I insisted. Wishing for her to believe me._

_*End Flashback*_

For months and months after that I cried alone in my room. I felt I had really lost my mom, although I knew that she is here with me, in my house. I eat dinner with her every day. It felt real… Sometimes it still feels real and I cry about it. I can never stop the tears. I keep It from my mom. She thinks it’s stopped. That, that was the only time; that it was the last time.

Then it happened again when I was fifteen.

My heart dropped down to my stomach, or up to my throat. I don’t even know which one, but I know it was real pain that I had felt. My heart was broken and I didn’t have a reason for it to be. My vision went blurry, and I dropped to my knees in the middle of the hallway at school.  Looking around, I didn’t see school. I saw an empty hospital room, and a nurse cleaning it out. I wanted to scream. I sat in the middle of that hallway sobbing until a teacher ran into me, helping me up.

I cried for an entire month. My mother tried and tried to get me to open up. Not understanding why I was so depressed all the time. Why I couldn’t keep myself from crying. I could never figure out a way to explain to her what I was feeling. I could never explain what I had saw that day when I fell to my knees. I don’t even know where to begin explaining it to myself.

 

Right now I’m 17 in boarding school in London.  After the month of tears and depression I got into loads of trouble, with school, and showing up drunk. My mother decided it would be best to go, get out of my home town in Australia and make new friends elsewhere.  She sent me to Arkadia Prep, It’s basically a school for delinquents. Kids who get in trouble with the law. They come here to get away from that. To start new. If you graduate with a good record; show that you’ve changed. You could have your records expunged.  It’s a really good second chance for most kids.

But as of now, my grades are shit and across the bridge is Arkadia Prep for boys, and they throw all the good parties there. Kind of hard for me to resist a good party.

When I lost my dad I started drinking. After the whole incident at school, then months later my father dying. I couldn’t handle myself anymore. Once I found out what alcohol did to me I couldn’t see myself without it.  The false happiness and courage felt good because I had lost all means of my own real happiness.

When things start getting better, I begin putting myself out there at parties. I made two of my best friends, Raven and Octavia. Finn, My boyfriend of about a year now. These things start happening again. I’m not sure what to call them, A situation, an Episode, a Vision, but it happens again and wish it didn’t.

“Hey Griffin, Massive party tonight at the college down the road. It stars at ten. You coming??” Raven asks, breaking me from my thoughts.

“Yeah. Of course I’ll be there.” I confirm. Fiddling with my fingers, obviously encased in my thoughts.

Suddenly the noise of the cafeteria is low, and it echoes. My vision blurs and I see a dark room, I hear a very loud and annoying alarm going off. A hand reaches out for the snooze button on an alarm clock on a bedside table. I pay attention to the hand, its definitely not mine. The skin is tan, and fingers are long and dainty. The hand that I am seeing, doesn’t belong to me.

Next I see a ceiling fan, and hear a faint groggy voice. “Ugh if I could sleep for a little longer that’d be nice.” It’s a voice I don’t recognize. It’s not mine, and its shocks me. I’ve had these visions before; I’m used to them by now, but I have never heard anything from them before. Before I can help it I feel tears running down my cheeks. The cafeteria is loud again, and I no longer see the dark room.

“Uh… I think I’m going to take a rain check on that party guys. I uh… I don’t feel so good.” I tell Octavia and Raven. Quickly getting up from the table I rush back to my dorm room before next class.

“Uhm. Okay. I don’t know what the fuck has been up her butt the last couple of days but she’s been acting funny. Really stuck in her head. I honestly hope she’s alright.” Raven says to Octavia who has nothing to add.

They don’t know whether they should go find Clarke, or let her be alone for a little bit.

After their late lunch Raven decides to go check on Clarke to make sure is really okay.

Walking to dorm tower C (Of course the furthest dorm tower from the Cafeteria) they go to the third floor and knock on Clarke’s door. Dorm 307.

“Clarke, It’s just us!  Are you okay??” Raven asks before resuming her knocking.

“No, not really. Please go away.” Her voice is thick, and raspy. You can tell she’s been crying.

“Clarke, please open up. We just want to help you.” Raven sighs. Resting her head against the door.

“I just want to be alone. I’ll text you when I’m ready. Okay??”

“Alright. Please just check in with us. You know we worry about you.” Octavia adds.

“I will”

With that they leave Clarke, and in the meantime they await a text. Telling them what happened, and that she’s okay.

I decide to take a walk. Listen to music, clear my head. Walks usually help.

By the time I actually get out of the room its 3:30 and it’s starting to get chilly.

I close my jacket a little tighter around my body and pop in my headphones. Walking down my favorite street away from campus.

I think back on what I saw in the cafeteria; the hand, and the voice that didn’t belong to me. How does it attach to the other visions?? I mean, I thought they happened when major things happened. Like the car crash, or whatever happened to make me so depressed for a month straight. This was out of character; this was just someone pushing a snooze button not wanting to get out of bed. Absolutely nothing like the other things. I’d like to know, who’s hand, and who’s voice that was. And what do they have to do with me.

If I didn’t know any better, Id assume I was hallucinating, and hearing things. But when I described the feeling to my mother, she pretty much ruled hallucination out. This is different.

“LOOK OUT!!” the voice says in a panic, when I look up I see a fairly large truck speeding down the street with no intentions of slowing down. I quickly jump out of the way, onto the sidewalk.

“What the fuck” I whisper to myself. My heart speeds up, my head is pounding, and I’m trying my best to catch my breath.  Looking around me I see no one there. No one could have possibly yelled that. The sidewalks are empty.

“Stop it, stop it, stop it, Oh my god, Oh god. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die.” The voice chants.  I cover my ears then uncover them again. Making sure the voice is really in my head. They continue to ramble on and on. “HEY! Shut up!!!” I yell louder than I meant to, but this whole thing is overwhelming, annoying, and frustrating all at the same time.

Within seconds it stops, my eyes go wide, in shock and disbelief. Maybe a little bit of horror?

“Hey, can you hear me??” I ask quietly.

“Oh my god. I’m going cra—Oh my god, I’m so scared.” They continue on their rambling. I can feel them beginning to cry.

“It’s—It’s like I can see there…  I can see here too. One is close, and one is far away… is in my head” The voice continued. Explaining exactly how I see things (when I see them)

I Look around me, where there should be streets and side walk I see a public bathroom stall. Hmmm Lovely.

“This isn’t your head, babe. This is London.” I reply. Getting up from the sidewalk, I continue walking.

“Huh?? Wai—What?? Wait, you’re real?? You’re a real person!!” The voice says excitedly.

“That’s the nicest thing someone’s said to my all day.” I joke, trying to lighten the mood. Mostly my mood.

 

 

“Oh, this is too crazy.” The voice says in disbelief. “and…I can hear you…I can hear you like- “

“Like I hear myself” I finish her sentence. “Where are you??” I ask.

“Washington D.C.” She answers.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I laugh “You’re in the states.” I say it more like a statement then a question. I knew she was American for the obvious reason of her accent, but I also didn’t think that she was a real person if I’m quite honest, but now… I don’t understand how this is happening or what is going on. It makes no sense. None at all.

“Yes, don’t sound so amazed. It’s not that great. Your lucky ass is in Europe!” she exclaims.

“Wait so what time is it??” I ask

I look at my watch, instead of seeing it there, I see her phone in her hand and a blurred time across the screen. “9:30 in the morning. I’m in my school bathroom.” The girl chuckled. “Why, what time is it there??”

“2:30 in the afternoon. I was taking a walk, I saw you push your snooze button and freaked out a little bit. Then I almost got hit by a car. My biggest fear.” I sigh.

“Yeah, mine too. That’s why I freaked out. Glad I did now though.” She sighs. “Since I’m at school, I have to go. Could…could we talk later??”

“Okay, yeah. We can talk later.” I get up from the bench where I’m sitting and I start on my walk again.

“Wait, what time??” She asks.

“When do you get out of school?”

“2:15.”

“So that’s fine. It’ll be 9:15 here. I’ll be in bed, its fine. I have a roommate so I’ll have to pretend to be on the phone but that’s not too bad. Talk to you later.” Now it’s time for me to shake my head in disbelief. Is this happening?? I am actually talking to a real person. A real person who lives in Washington D.C. U.S. It doesn’t feel real but at the same time it feels too real.

It’s scary and weird but also in a way it feels good. It also helps that there is one person…one person that actually understands what has been happening to me since I was little.

I finish my walk and end up back at the dorms. I decide to call Raven, to let her know that I’m alright. That I still won’t be going to that party, or any party. Not for a while. I don’t know how I am going to explain why, or what’s happened, but I can’t tell her exactly what happened. She won’t believe me. No one will.

“Clarke hey! Are you okay??” Raven answers the phone and wastes no time getting to the point.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. Don’t worry about me. I still can’t go to that party. I don’t think alcohol will help me out right now. I was just calling to tell you I’m okay. Let O’ know too. I have to call Finn.” I sigh, not knowing how else to keep this conversation going.

“Okay hon, be safe. We love you. Call me later please Clarke.” I hear the worry in her voice. I know that no matter how many times I tell her I’m alright. She will continue to worry, until she can tell with her own eyes that I am safe and smiling.

I definitely don’t want to go back to my room, but I don’t want to go eat somewhere by myself, I also don’t want to spend time with Finn.

We have been spending less and less time together as the weird things that happen keep becoming frequent. He will definitely call me crazy if I try to explain to him what’s going on.

Seeing her side of the world, and now being able to hear her. It makes my head feel funny. It feels all swimmy, almost so dizzy that I have to sit down. So I cannot drink alcohol with the swimmy feeling, but also…How does my drinking affect her?? I’ve tortured myself for a few years with this drinking not realizing that I’m tied to another person somehow. I think everything I do affects her one way or another. 

I order a slice of Pizza from Mamma Lucia’s Pizzeria that’s only a few blocks off of school campus. They have the best pizza, even if it’s just a cheese pizza. I eat it on my walk around the neighborhood its placed in. I have time to kill before its 2:15 eastern standard time, and I feel like the time is going to go very slowly because I’m actually looking forward to talking to her again. Maybe this time I won’t be stupid and I’ll ask for her name. She was so sweet and I felt so bad that I had freaked her out with the car thing. I mean I freaked a little too, but not as outwardly as she had.

Going back to my room I turn on Netflix and just binge watch anything I find interesting enough. I watch and get on the computer at the same time. Anything to keep my mind extra busy, and to pass the time quickly.

The sun starts setting and the orange light shines through my blinds, my window is open because it gets way too hot in here and the 14c weather feels so good right about now.

I make a hot pocket for dinner right when the microwave beeps my roommate Harper walks through the door. Huffing about her day, plopping onto the couch.

“You’re home late, rough day??” I ask, stuffing my face with hot pocket.

“I had the longest day. I had field hockey today that’s why I’m late. Wait…since when do you notice when I’m home or care if I’ve had a rough day??” She questions, confused.

“Since I’m not piss drunk for the first night in a very long time.”

“Well, I’m glad. Though you are a pleasant drunk, you always leave then bring back a kitten. You are not pleasant hungover.”

“Thanks.” I scoff. Knowing how true that is. I don’t even know where I got the kitten from and I don’t know where I return him.

I feel the all too swimmy feeling in my head; the one that once scared me. I look at my watch 8:45p.m. 

“Hi” The cute voice whispers. I quickly pull out my phone before answering her.

“Hi, you know I’ve been thinking all day about why this is happening, or what this is.” I say, harper looks at me funny so I get up and go to our room.

“And, did you come up with anything??” Lexa questions.

“Yeah, on thing. Are you…Satan, Perhaps??” I joke, with a smile on my face. A real one, for the first time in a while.

“No” She laughs. “No, I’m Lexa.” Her voice now has a name, and I feel like It fits. She sounds like a Lexa to me.

“Oh. Yeah. I’m Clarke.”

“Clarke…That’s a nice name.” Lexa says.

“Thanks. Wait… is this your house??” I ask. Looking around.

“Oh, well no. I mean yes?? I mean I live here but I wouldn’t call it home. It’s my uncle Gustus’ house” She said walking down a hallway. The walls are a cream color and there are pictures hanging on both sides of the walls.

“Oh, Why not?? Why wouldn’t you call it home??” I question.

“It’s too much, too big. They’re rich. It’s not comfortable. I’m not rich. In this house I’m like a fish out of water, I don’t belong here.” Lexa says. “Where are you?? It doesn’t smell very good.” She laughs.

“Yeah I’m in my room. My roommate just walked through here to get to the shower. She just got back from field hockey practice.” I explain.

“Clarke, what were you in juvie for??” Lexa blurts out. “Sorry. I didn’t mean for that to be rude. I was just curious, you got in a lot of fights and I felt that. I just wanted to know. You don’t have to answer. I’m sorry.” She rushed to apologize.

“No worries. My dad worked for the government, he found something out something he shouldn’t have known about it. He was going to go public, I overheard him talking to my mother about it. I wasn’t supposed to know. The day after he was about to go public he got arrested before he could actually get it out. Since I knew, I got arrested too. I was under 18 though, they couldn’t keep me forever. They put me in the detention center for a little while. But yes, I got into fights a lot. I’m sorry that you had to feel that” I explain everything, trying my hardest not to break, not to cry. It hurts me to know someone so soft and delicate sounding has felt the immense pain that I’ve felt. Then it hits me…

“2009 Car crash. We were ten. It happened didn’t it?? You lost your mom??” I ask.

“Yeah…and my baby brother.” Lexa choked out.  Whatever in me that had kept me from crying earlier is gone. I can’t keep the tears from running down my face. I can’t bear to hear Lexa’s voice break.

“Oh, my god, Lexa I am so sorry.” I say, not really knowing what else to say. I truly am sorry. Knowing what it’s like to lose someone, I can’t imagine how many people have told her that and not meant it. god knows the number of people who told me that after my dad got executed. I knew they didn’t meant it. They didn’t care. People don’t care.

“Yeah, me too. Believe it or not, it actually makes me feel better knowing I wasn’t alone. Knowing you felt it too. Even if I didn’t know it at the time.”

“Yeah. When I lost my dad, I felt nothing. So empty. So, I know what you mean. It’s less empty now.”

“Yeah, a lot less empty.” Lexa sighs.

Trying to brighten our moods I decide to change the subject. “You want to tell me why my feet hurt like a bitch every day of my life since I was six??”

“Oh. My. God. I am so sorry. I’m a dancer. A ballet dancer.” Lexa says with muffled giggles. She begins to massage her feet. “Feel that??” She asks. Continuing to work the knots out of her feet and mine.

“Yes. That feels amazing.” I sigh, closing my eyes. Cause god does that feel good.

“I hate to break this to you darling, but I have ballet at 6:00.”

“Aw man!” I say throwing up my hands, and slumping down further in bed.

“Sorry…” Lexa whines, giggling a little at my exclamation.

“It’s okay. Ballet is beautiful; I still don’t believe it’s worth the pain, but it’s not my passion it’s yours so…” I shrug my shoulders. “There’s no reason for you to be apologizing.”

“What is your passion, Clarke??” Lexa asked.

“I don’t have one.” I’ve learned it easier to tell people you don’t have a passion then to explain why you quit on your passion. Usually they say something along the lines of “Well you’re still young, you’ll figure it out. you’ve got time.” And leave it at that.

“Everyone has a passion Clarke. And you can’t lie to me, I’ll know.” I can feel her smile, and somehow it puts me at ease.

“I guess… I _had_ a passion.”

“If it was really your passion Clarke. You still have it.  I was there when you hid in your closet and drew on the walls until you couldn’t draw anymore and not because your hands hurt but because you had run out of space. Drawing there made you feel better so it started leaving your closet. Eventually it covered your bedroom walls. “

“If you knew, why did you ask??”

“Because, I want you to realize that drawing is your passion. That it is still your passion and you need to stop giving me hangovers and start drawing instead.” Lexa hissed.

“Sorry.” I sigh. “Sorry about the hangovers.”

“You’re forgiven, Clarke.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so this is so unorganized and honestly all over the place but after this chapter that should change.   
> This isn't Beta'd, all mistakes are mine.   
> I have no structure so please comment things you'd like to see happen in this, it helps me continue to write, and update.

It’s been a few days since me and Lexa’s last conversation. I’m worried she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I can’t help but to think that she is a disappointed in me for giving up on myself. She sounded very disappointed in me.

 I’ve lived my whole life without knowing she’s existed but now I can’t stop thinking about her, and thinking about what she thinks of me. I shouldn’t even care what she thinks, because honestly when have other people’s opinions stopped me from doing what I want to do? Never. But for some reason, Lexa is different. She feels different.

I know she has been incredibly busy since our last talk because my feet have been hurting like crazy, which means she’s been dancing like crazy. She wakes up so early and dances, she dances all day some times and it kills me, but it also makes me happy inside because I know she is doing something that makes her happy. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of the music she’s dancing to, and it never fails to bring a smile to my face.

I decide to occupy my Saturday by scheduling a day out with Raven and Octavia, and a night with Finn.

I just hope that she doesn’t decide to talk to me when I’m with them, because I don’t want to explain any of this to anyone.

I knock on Raven, and O’s dorm room and within seconds the door flies open and its Raven standing there in her underwear.

“Really Raven??” I ask. “You couldn’t at least put some clothes on?? I told you I was on my way.”

“Oh quit complaining. You know I’m eye candy griffin. You love to look just as much as the next guy. Get in here.”

Raven pulls me into a hug before I can even get through the door. Octavia rushes into the common room and adds to the human sandwich.

“I missed you Clarke.” Octavia slurred because her face is smooshed between Raven and Clarke.

“You just saw me yesterday guys. Please let me go before my back breaks.” I groan in discomfort.

They let me go at once, and it knocks me off balance a little bit. I take a deep breath finally able to breathe again.

“Ready to go??” Octavia questions knowing damn well Raven is not ready to go out in just underwear.

“Yeah, one sec.” Raven runs (As best she can) to her room to put on some clothes.

She comes out dressed in her usual: Black jeans, a very holey and grease stained grey t-shirt along with her red coat that is also very grease stained. “Okay, now I’m ready” She grabs her keys out of the bowl on the table and we leave.

I set up a movie and lunch date for all of us because well, we haven’t seen much of each other aside from the classes we have together and our lunch period. I feel bad that I have been so consumed with Lexa, and I’m trying to get my shit together, to get my grades up and graduate high school so I can go to art school.  It definitely feels good to be hanging out with them though, they make my life feel like it runs smoothly for a few hours.

We board the bus that takes us to the mall then we walk to the movies from there.

The chilly January air makes my cheeks red while the cold rain hits my arms, it’s really gloomy out and Raven complains that we never see the light of day in the winter “Because of all the FUCKING rain!!” Her voice carries across the carpark and I can’t help but giggle at her anger towards the weather. At least she’s seen snow. The closest I’ve come to snow is the slushy shit London gets. Otherwise nada.

I let Raven and Octavia decide on the movie we watch because if it’s something they want to watch there is a greater chance of them being quiet. (Now, I’m not saying it’s a big chance, but it’s definitely _more_ of a chance then it would be if I had picked it)

I pay for the tickets, and the popcorn in which Raven hugs me and tells me I’ll always be her favorite person if I continue to buy her food.

I really like this Cinema because it never gets cold! Most Cinemas are so cold that I have to bring a blanket in a backpack, but not this one!

All three of us cozy up in our seats while the previews play. “Clarke?” Octavia pushes the armrest up so she can lean on me.

“Yes??”

“I like your boobs, they’re comfy. So squishy and soft.” She lays her head on my chest and nuzzles into me. “Thanks, I like them too” I laugh. My immediate reaction is to run my fingers through her hair. Raven cuddles into O’ and she plays with her hair, we are a big cuddle chain. I miss going to the movies with them, we stay like this for the entire movie.

Halfway through the movie the swimmy feeling in my head is overwhelming but I push it away, I push it away because I’m busy. If it really is an emergency I know she will come through no matter what. Just like before. Just like every other time.

“You okay Clarkey??” Octavia lifts her head to make eye contact. 

“Yeah. I’m good.” I turn my attention back to the movie that I’m not really watching. 

Octavia settles back down and wraps her arms around me. I haven’t cuddled with anyone so closely in so long, and I think o’ knows that.

 

 

Once the movie is over we go back to the dorms and Raven puts pizza rolls in the oven while screaming “WHY HAVE GENDER ROLES WHEN YOU CAN HAVE PIZZA ROLLS!!” probably disturbing all of the neighbors but really who cares, its 3:00p.m. if these kids aren’t awake they have bigger issues on their hands besides Ravens screaming.

“Clarke, you’re acting funny.” Raven points out. I lift my head from the table and look up at Raven.

“Just tired, I haven’t been sleeping well. I just have a lot on my mind, and I have the shakes from lack of alcohol. I’ll be okay soon guys.” I explain.

“Okay, you would tell us if something was majorly wrong right??” Octavia questions.

“Yes guys, if I was dying I’d tell you. Can I ask a question??”

“Yes” Raven nods. Sitting in the chair next to me on my right.

“Do you think if I called a childhood friend of mine that I have been avoiding for three years they would want to talk to me still??” I ask in regards to wells.

I haven’t talked to him since I got sent here for year nine. I didn’t want to be here; I didn’t want to hear about all the cool things going on in Sydney. I just wanted to stay home with my friends and my bedroom, the one with the walls covered in drawings from the nights I don’t remember. From nights I drank away my mother’s liquor stash and cried, cried over everything. Things that were happening in Lexa’s life, and things in mine. Everyone thought I was nuts, being thrown to the floor in tears for no _apparent_ reason, but there was a reason I knew it. Now that I do know that car crash was real, I know everything I felt that made no sense back then, will make sense now.  Wells was the one person in my life that didn’t call me crazy, the one person I could talk to. But then he goes behind my back and tells my mother about me drinking my life away. How he thinks me getting out of Sydney would be best for me, but in reality how would he know??

I still feel the need to talk to him, to hear his reassuring voice telling me that I’ll be okay, and I’ll make it through whatever is happening right now. I need him to tell me he will be there for me. That he is proud of me for trying to stop drinking. Because at this point, the friends I have know nothing about my past. They don’t realize that the alcohol was a problem for me, because I made it seem like I was just a social drinker. Just a party animal and nothing more but that’s not true, not even close to true. I drink to forget, to feel numb. Just because I had a smile on my face while I was doing it, doesn’t mean it was ever for fun.

“Clarke, I have been your friend since we all got roomed together in 9th grade. If this person knows what it’s like to be your friend for so long. They will definitely want to speak to you again. You are irreplaceable. You’re incredibly loyal and fun, nice and silly. No matter what is going on in your life you always make sure to make us smile first. There is no way in hell that anyone who knows you won’t want to talk to you again.” Raven explains to me, being more gentle with her voice and words than she has ever been with me before. I’m not one to talk about my private life or my past so when I do she knows I’m hurting.

“Okay. Thanks Rae”

“No problem griffin. I know I make it seem like I am carefree, and listen close cause I’m ‘bout to expose myself for real right now. I care so fucking much about both of you, if you ever need to talk about something serious. Grab me by the collar and shake me, get it in my head that I need to be serious. Because silly is my coping mechanism, doesn’t mean I don’t want to be here for you.”

“What the fuck?” I laugh. “O’ Where’d raven go??”

“I don’t know; some SOFTY has just taken over her body!” Octavia laughs, punching Raven’s shoulder as she yells softy.

“You guys are such cunts” Raven giggles punching Octavia back.

“There she is!” I yell. Just as the oven timer goes off.

“WHY HAVE GENDER ROLES WHEN YOU COULD HAVE PIZZA ROLLS” We all yell at the same time. Me and Octavia know that, that is the motto for whenever we eat pizza rolls. She takes the opportunity to say that as much as she can.

“You guys know me too well. You weren’t even delayed…” Raven scrunches up her face in mock embarrassment.

“It’s only because we love you Rae” Octavia says grabbing napkins from the counter.

Raven pulls the tray of food out of the oven and loudly places it on the top of the oven screaming “HOT!” While me and Octavia laugh at her.

Since we are too lazy to do dishes and too cheap to buy paper plates, so we eat off of napkins.

“Thanks for tonight Clarke. It was loads of fun. We have to do that more often!” Raven says shoving a whole pizza roll in her mouth. I cringe internally knowing what’s about to happen. “FUCKING HOT!” She screams immediately spitting out her half chewed pizza roll.

“I swear Raven; You lack common sense when it comes to food.” Octavia cackles.  I turn red trying to contain my laughter but it doesn’t work and I end up cackling right along with Octavia.

“Shut up! I got excited!” she defends.

We continue our banter throughout lunch/dinner-ish, and we laugh so hard my abs start to hurt. (I mean the only exercise I ever get is by laughing so…) After dinner we clean up and save the uneaten pizza rolls for later because as gross as reheated pizza rolls are raven will eat anything.

I have to meet Finn at his dorm at 7:00 so I go back to mine, walking back through the cold rain and wishing I had brought a jacket.  My cheeks are red and ice cold, along with the tip of my nose. I cover my mouth with my hand because the wind against my wet skin burns. It’s about a twenty-minute walk from Dorm Tower A to my dorm tower which is Tower C so I decide to try and talk to Lexa.

I focus on the swimmy feeling in the back of my head and try and make it fill my head like before. Once I get dizzy and catch a glimpse of wherever she is that’s how I know I can talk to her.

“Clarke??” Her voice comes through first. I can hear her teeth clattering and the air where she is, is even colder than it is here. Her voice puts me at ease. It warms up my body, it makes me smile.

“Hey Lex.”

“You’re avoiding me.” She states it more than asks. She knows, don’t try and deny it.

“I was. I’m not now.” I whisper.

“I’m sorry Clarke. I know why you don’t draw anymore, and I know why you drank so much. I know we don’t know each other but at the same time we do.  You’re me, I’m you. I want you to take care of yourself. I care about you. This still doesn’t change how I feel about you drawing again.” Lexa explains. Shivering between sentences.

“I know you care. It’s okay.” I scoff but only at myself. Realizing how I push people away, I push them away right when they show they care. Except Lexa is the only one that didn’t leave. (Not like it’s that easy in our situation (Whatever situation that is.))

“Is it?? Is that snow!?” I question. Squinting, thinking it will help me see better.

“Yeah…it fucking sucks, I’m so cold. Walking in this shit is hellish.” She complains.

“Are you walking in the street??”

“Yes, they plow the streets and put all the snow on the sidewalks.  So yes, walking in the street.”

“That’s dangerous Lexa!” I practically scold her, immediately getting nervous for her safety.

“I know but I don’t have a choice, Clarke! I don’t have anyone to drive me to school. So I walk.”

“What about the bus??” I ask.

“I don’t know how your school busses look but mine are three people to one seat and high schoolers are mad tall. So we don’t exactly fit, meaning one person sits on a lap and its always me because I’m small. I don’t like being touched by random kids I don’t know. I’d rather walk.”

That really sounds a mess, I mean how does that work? Three big kids to a seat?? I’ve seen pictures of the insides of school busses but I’ve never actually been in one myself. I mean, I always had my mother drive me to school and pick me back up. I’ve never had to ride the bus but that sounds hectic.

“Eww, you have to sit on a lap?? And your small?? How small?? Like small or like Smol??” I question.

“Of course you would be concerned about what I look like. Very American of you Clarke.” Lexa chuckles.

“Hey! Insult me much!? I’m just curious, all I’ve seen are your hands and feet. Sometimes your legs. Often times I wonder if we look alike. I mean, we are the same brain? Kinda? I think? I don’t know. But since you said you’re small I don’t think we look alike, I’m not small.”

“Okay let’s test this then, how tall are you??”

“165 Centimeters.”

“I don’t know what that means” Lexa laughs. “I’m an American Clarke.”

“5 foot 5 inches. How tall are you??” I ask.

“Hmm, 5 foot 6 maybe. Hair color??”

“Blonde, you??”

“Oooh no, we don’t look alike.” Lexa laughs “Brown hair for me.”

“Oh darn, Eye color??” I ask, still really fucking curious as to what she looks like.

“Green, Like green green. You??”

“Blue, like…really blue.”

“We’re opposites!” Lexa yells.

“Indeed.”

“So tell me about athletic things you do, or used to do??” Lexa asks.

There was never a time between me and Lexa that was awkward or stand-of-ish. I mean we live in each other’s head for god’s sake. How can it get more awkward??

I unlock my apartment door and walk into a very heated room. (thank goodness.) “Uhm, I used to do gymnastics when I was little but I stopped because my mother wanted me to focus on school instead.”

“Ugh god it feels like heaven wherever you are. It just got so fucking warm. Thank you!!” Lexa practically moans. Obviously getting distracted.  “Gymnastics is cool. Do you remember how to do it??”

“Yeah I remember how. I’m not fit anymore though; I’d have to work out so much to get my stamina back up. Not worth it. I have art school planned.”

“Ooh!! Art school!! I have no doubt you’ll get into art school!! You are so good!!”

“Thanks lex”

“Of course! Welp, I’m at Ballet now. I’ll talk to you at lunch time??” She asks.

“Yes, holler at me whenever.”

“Okay, I will. Later Clarke.” For some reason I cannot contain my smile as I step into the shower and rinse off the smell of movie theater popcorn. Thinking about Lexa is the only thing that makes me smile at this point. She is so light and easy to talk to, she doesn’t push for information and she always sounds like she’s smiling no matter what is happening.

This time I put on a jacket before leaving the house and making my way across the bridge to Arkadia Prep for boys. Finn is in dorm tower A on the 7th floor. I make sure to keep my hood on and head down so no one sees me. Finn could get in trouble for having a girl over after curfew, and I could get in trouble for being the girl out passed curfew.

Since I know the key code to Finns room I just walk in he is expecting me anyways.

“Finn, I’m here. I know I’m a little early though.” I call out, making my way through the common room towards his room I can hear him whispering to someone.

I open the door to find he and another girl in a very compromising position.

I stand there and look between the two, the girl looking at me like a deer caught in headlights and Finn can’t even look at me.

I just laugh, not really knowing what else to do. I’m not about to show him how much this actually hurts me.

“I’m not even surprised.” I turn to leave before he can try to apologize. “Oh also, id stop with him before it starts. He’s not worth it. The sex is mediocre at best so…” Shrugging my shoulders I leave going back to my room. Once I’ve crossed the bridge I let my tears roll down my face quietly.

I decide to call Octavia:

“Clarke??” She answered the phone confused, knowing I’m supposed to be with Finn right now.

“Tell me there is a wicked party to go to tonight??” I question, trying to suck up the tears and make my voice sound like I haven’t been crying.

“Uhh, House party ten minutes off of campus…we could get in major trouble if we get caught off of campus though Clarke.”

“When has that stopped us before O’??”

“Never, I’ll pick you up in ten okay??”

“Kay, bye.” I hang up and rush to my dorm to change AGAIN.

////

“Clarke.” Lexa whispers.

“Alexandria please switch with Lincoln.” I hear the faint command before Lexa whispers “Yes ma’am.”

“Why are you crying??”

“It doesn’t matter. Why are you talking to me in ballet Lexa??”

“Because my best friend is crying.”

“Lincoln, Flat hands! Flat hands!” A teacher yells.

“Yeah, linc flat hands you butt grabber.” Lexa whispers. I can’t help but laugh a little, suppressing a small wave of jealousy that this guy gets to know Lexa and be close enough to touch her when I can’t even see her.

“Which one is you?” I ask her with high hopes of her telling me.

“Tallest boy in the class, biggest arms, I’m the only one in a black leotard.” She rushes out. I squint trying to look in the mirrors while Lexa is moving around is really hard but I try my best.

“I can’t see Lex.”

“Wait a second then until pas de duex is over.”

“I love it when you speak French to me lex.” Hearing her laugh at my dumb jokes makes me smile. All the stress in my life fades away when she laughs, especially when she laughs at me.

“Alexandria and Lincoln please come up here and show your class mates how a proper pas de duex is executed.” Her teacher said.

“Pay attention Clarke. You’ll see me.” She walks slowly to the front of the class and I catch bright green eyes and faint smirk in the mirror before she turns around and I’m faced with a ton of kids in a mirror filled room.

“You’re beautiful.” I whisper, walking into my room I plop down on my bed.

“Thanks” Harper laughs.

I jump about five feet in the air clutching my chest. “Jesus fuck you scared me!”

Harper just laughs and goes back to reading her book.

There’s ten minutes of silence before I hear Lexa’s teacher again. Telling everyone to be ready for auditions for the nut cracker after contemporary dance.

Lexa stands still in the middle of the classroom. Everything about her is perfect.

“Get to a mirror Clarke, I want to see you.” She whispers.

I rush up the stairs of the dorm tower, not having the patience to wait for the lift right now.

Once I get into my dorm I run into the bathroom and stand in front of the mirror with my eyes closed.

“Awh, come on Clarke. Open your eyes!” She whispers, impatient.

I look down at my outfit, I take the hood off of my head and I look in the mirror, seeing Lexa in her ballet uniform. “Oh wow, you’re beautiful. I didn’t mean to sound surprised, you’re just as gorgeous if not more as you have an Australian accent.” Lexa smiles.  This is a face to face conversation. I can see her talking to me, she can see me. It’s very strange but it has to count.

“Thank you, and my accent isn’t that thick lexi!”

“Ohhh yes it is.” Lexa laughs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is still a little messy. I'm also not 100% sure where I'm taking this. I'm just writing off the top of my head, which is crazy unorganized of me. This fiction will be a little bit more fast paced than my other one so Clexa will happen shortly! I am just as eager to write Clexa as you are to read it.  
> This is not beta'd  
> i'm not sure how I like this chapter but I hope you like it enough to keep you interested!

“Man, we look nothing alike… I am so confused about this situation. Still trying to wrap my head around it y’know??” I sigh. Looking into Lexa’s green eyes through my mirror. It’s so strange seeing her. Seeing the person who’s life is somehow tied to mine. I know, I know it makes no sense, but it makes all the sense in the world.

It makes more sense than visions, or hallucinations. It makes sense because I knew I wasn’t just seeing things, or imagining them. That car crash felt too real to be a figment of my imagination. The emotions I felt were real—are real. So, looking at the girl who suffered these traumas, that I’ve been crying over for years…it hurts a little. But seeing a faint smile on her face, is all I never knew I needed for one to appear on mine.

She’s thin and dainty. It makes sense for her to be a ballet dancer. She looks just like one. Her skin is more tan than mine, she has strong, but beautiful facial features. Her lips full and her teeth perfect. She is completely and utterly flawless.

“Yeah. It’s not something you can easily get used to. It’s weird. But I like knowing I have someone here. I’m good at isolating myself. Kinda hard to push away someone that’s in your head.” She giggles. Closing her eyes so I can no longer see her.

“Me too. I always push away the people that care about me most.” I shrug.

“Why were you crying Clarke??” She questions, opening her eyes again. Sending me the most beautiful death glare. If looks could kill, I wouldn’t care if the last thing I saw was Lexa.

I look down at my feet unsure if I even want to tell her. It’s not like she won’t find out anyways. I shrug my shoulders and look back into the mirror. “My boyfriend cheated on me.”

“How come it sounds like you don’t care?? But you were crying?”

“I do care, but I don’t. We were growing apart anyways. All he ever wanted anymore was to get fucked. He was really bad in bed anyways.”

“Well, you know what they say…if your boyfriend doesn’t treat you right there is always a gay girl who will!” Lexa laughs, blushing at her own sentence. Closing her eyes trying to hide the blush I already saw.

“No, I didn’t know they said that Lexa.” I laugh.

“I say that.” Lexa shrugs.

“That’s cute.”

“You’re cute.”

“Thanks. You’re cute too.” I smile, turning away from the mirror completely. I walk out of the bathroom and plop down on my bed. My phone in my hand I continue talking to Lexa.

We end up talking for a long time. Lexa told me about her ballet, how their winter performance is coming up and she has no one to go watch. She explained to me her situation.

She lives with her uncle Gustus and Cousin Anya. She loves them both very much, but they haven’t been in her life for the longest. When we were both ten, her mother was rushing to her own ballet performance. They got into a car accident. Lexa watched her mother and little brother die. Aden screamed for a good five minutes before his screaming died down and everything stopped. She doesn’t know how she survived. She doesn’t know how she got out with just a few superficial cuts and bruises. She has a theory, she spaced out after her brother stopped screaming and everything was too quiet to comprehend her situation. Once she her family was pronounced dead, it was either the foster system or uncle Gustus. Clearly, she chose the latter.

Still, her home situation wasn’t the greatest. Gustus still treated Anya different from her. Lexa didn’t talk much and she decided she would never talk to them. They just didn’t make her comfortable. Lexa never asked for anything despite Gustus being rich. She slept on a mattress held up by cinder blocks. She had her old blankets from when she was a kid, and only ate one plate of food at dinner. Never getting seconds. She still lives out of her carryon suitcase. She has a dresser, she prefers not to use it. It gives her the sense of having somewhere else to be. Like maybe her family will come back for her, and she can go home.

Anya was the complete opposite from her, always asking for money, and taking the car without permission. Sneaking back home through her window at 6:00a.m just to leave out the front door again for school.

But during the accident, when she was surrounded by too much commotion and not enough noise all at once, she spaced out; and was looking into a hospital room, and my mother’s frantic eyes. Asking me if she was okay. She didn’t hear her, she saw her lips moving though, asking the question. She was scared though. She shut her eyes and willed the vision to go away.

That’s how it was connected when we were little. Our brains didn’t know how to use the gift we got so whenever something traumatic happened we had nowhere else to go but the swimmy feelings in the back of our heads.  We found comfort in each other during traumatic situations, without even knowing about the other.

I remember when my father died, when my mother told me in broken sentences and tears running down her face, I stood there. I did nothing. I looked at her like she was crazy for crying, but really, I wasn’t there. I was somewhere else. With no other way to describe it, I was wherever Lexa was. I don’t remember seeing where she was in the blur of the new I had just received. Then within hours I was taken as well because I too, knew the governments secrets. I understand now. I understand how it worked. Though I do not understand how we figured out so seamlessly to speak to one another.

The more we talk the clearer I can hear her voice. The more we stand in front of a mirror looking at each other I can see her better. Like her picture isn’t as far away is it used to be, and the picture is clearer. Sharper.

After the heavy conversation is over, we reduce to banter and giggles. I tell her about all those nights my feet would hurt as she was dancing away intrusive thoughts. She laughs again and tells me she’s sorry, because of course…she knows how it hurts.

She told me she loved it when I gave my mom hugs, and when she tickled me because she got hugs from mom too. And she needed that. That she got tickled and fell to the floor in a fit of giggles, from mom too.

We exchanged story after story. We were getting to know each other. I told her I would show her around London. Maybe buy her some candy and send it to her. She told me she would send me candy too. We made a plan to buy candy together next week.

“Lexa…it’s 3:00a.m.” I mumble trying not to wake Harper.

“Oh…yeah. It’s 10:00. Your tired voice is so attractive.” Lexa sighs.

“You. Are so. Gay. Lexa.” I laugh.

“I know, you are pretty gay too though so…”

“You’re right. Why be straight when girls exist?”

“Go to sleep Clarke.” Lexa hums. Feeling her eyes close with the realization of what time it is.

“You too.”

“I am. Please stay?” She asks.

“Mhmm, I’m not going anywhere.” I pull the covers over my body and listen to Lexa as she makes little hums when she begins to fall asleep. And for the first time, in a very long time. I fall asleep with a smile on my face, and full recollection of how my day, no—how my week went.

////

My alarm goes off at 10:00a.m, I smell bacon, upon opening my eyes I come to the realization that, that is in face Lexa’s breakfast… not mine.

“Please eat some of that…” I ask, hearing her laugh as my tummy grumbles.

“I am about to.” Lexa smiles.

She has a plate of eggs, and a few strips of bacon on her plate. “Ewww no no, do not put ketchup on that! I hate ketchup!! Who puts ketchup on their eggs!? Ewww Lexa.” I exclaim watching her squeeze the gross sugary sauce onto her plate. I shoot up out of my bed, internally cringing because I really hate ketchup, and if I stick around long enough, I’ll be able to taste what she is about to eat.

“But I only like it with ketchup” Lexa whines.

“Just, block me out then. I do not wanna taste your nasty ass breakfast.” I growl.

“Okay bye, Talk you later.” She giggles. The vision of her dining room fades out and I can’t hear her anymore.

I can’t help but laugh. I can still hear her giggle in the back of my head. It makes me happy to know I can make her laugh. She has been through so much and just a giggle from her is enough to make me content with life.

I get myself dressed and walk myself to English literature; I sit in the middle seat between Octavia and Raven, both of whom are so deeply incased in books they don’t realize my existence. So, I pull out my sketchbook and begin drawing while waiting for the teacher to figure out how to use the projector.

I start with green eyes and high cheekbones, and before I have realized it I have drawn the outline of Lexa’s face. Her sharp jaw line and plump lips that curve up into a little smirk. She never smiles bigger than that. But I know that the smirk she gives me is more than she has ever given anyone in a long time.

I grab colored pencils out of my bag and start shading in the different contours of her face. Adding skin tone, and shading, light and shadow. I save the best part for last. Her eyes. I’ve always loved drawing eyes, but I have never caught a glance of eyes so green before. Her eyes hold many stories. Both mine and her own. Her eyes are deep, and can consume you if you look too long…if she lets you.

“Who. Is that??” Raven asks. Peering over my shoulder.

“Oh…Just, a friend??” I answer.

“Mmmm, no more than a friend. You’ve never drawn us!” Octavia questions, suddenly becoming interested in what I’m doing.

“I have too!”

“Yeah.” Raven scoffs “Just really horrible caricatures of us! Not fucking amazing life like faces and shit. You are infatuated. You did that with Finn before you started dating.”

“She has a good point. I think you love her.” Octavia says with a shit eating grin, nodding along to her own words.

“I do not!” I argue.

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” Raven says in a horrible rendition of a British accent.

“Oh, Shut up. She is just my friend. Just my friend, understand??”

“Mhmmm, whatever you say Gryffindor” Octavia muttered, still making sure I could hear her.

I spend most of Class taking notes here and there while finishing the drawing of Lexa.

When class is over Raven and Octavia hand me their notes, knowing I didn’t take good ones. I thank them and admire how color coded and organized their notes are. God, I love my friends. I put their notes in my binder and we all move along to next class, together. Splitting off at the fork in the hallway because we all have different classes next.

I go to the other end of the school for Chemistry. I really like Chemistry, we usually do experiments with food, I really like food. I remember this one time we were doing something with melted marshmallows…I ate my marshmallows before I could melt them, or really do anything with them. They were quite good.

I get all excited when the teacher starts passing out the Bunsen burners. I know we are just boiling water for something (I don’t know, I wasn’t paying attention.) I still like playing with fire.

Stupidly I decide to stick my finger in the water to test how hot it is, cause that’s what I do at home. But…it was hot. “Ouch.” I say to myself, not wishing to draw attention, and really, I’ve put my hands in hotter. It didn’t hurt as bad as it could’ve.

“Clarke, next time you put your hand in boiling water I swear…” Lexa growls angrily.

“Sorry.” I giggle. “It’s a habit.”

“A really fucking stupid one no offense.”

“Okay…nail biter. I won’t stick my hand in the water again if you don’t bite our fingers again.” I mumble, trying not to get caught. I give her an ultimatum, and she just laughs.

“Our fingers…”

“Yes, bite me one more time I swear!” I mock her, trying out an American accent for myself.

“Okay, you might be amazing at the accent but I never want to hear that again. That Australian accent is too good.”

“Okay. I gotta go. Talk to you at lunch!” I whisper quickly as my teacher is walking in my direction. Before Lexa has the chance to answer me, I push that feeling away.

“Ms. Griffin who might you be talking to??” Pike asks.

I look around the room, just searching. “What are you looking for??” He asks again.

“Oh…I’m looking for my mom. You said Ms. Griffin so I just assumed—but she’s in Sydney I believe. Maybe she’s in Melbourne. I mean, with family but she’s not here.” I shrug. “But uh…if you were talking to me, my name is Clarke. It’s nice to meet you.” The rest of the Class giggles and mumbles to the kids sitting next to them. “To answer your question though, I was talking to myself. You put me at a table all alone, so…who else is there to talk to besides me?? The person in my head.” I laugh Being completely honest about the person in my head, but he doesn’t know that.

“Excuse me??”

“Oh, you’re excused.” I say before turning around and getting back to my work.

The rest of the Class laughs as Pike just stands there, looking over my shoulder at what I’m doing.

He can’t complain because I have good grades in this Class. I do my work and my answers are right.  I do love Chemistry.

I’m good at it despite sticking my finger in the water, not wearing goggles that make me look like a bug, and eating all the marshmallows that _one_ time. I’m actually really good in this class.

////

I meet up with Raven and O’ at the fork in the hallway where we originally split off. We make our way to Raven and Octavia’s dorm room cause they’ve got leftover pizza and that’s better than any cafeteria food the school has to offer.

“So tell us about the girl you drew??” Raven speaks first. Interrupting our nice quiet walk to the dorms.

“Yeah, I’ve never seen her before. Where’d she come from??” Octavia inquires

“There is nothing to tell. She’s came from America.”

“What’s she doing here??” Raven asks.

“She’s not here. She is still in America.”

“Soooo, how do you know her then??”

“Ummm, the internet.” I lie. How am I supposed to tell them how I actually know her, how I talk to her. How do you tell someone that without them thinking I’ve gone batshit?

“Oh, okay.” Raven says. They both shrug as we enter their dorms.

////

“Clarrrkee will you check my form??” Lexa begs. I’m all curled up in my bed, mint tea on my bedside table and my laptop on my lap, in the middle of writing a paper for school.

“Sure, anything to get me to stop studying. How do I check your form??”

“I have a dance coming up, I did the choreography for it but I don’t think it’s any good. Can you tell me if it’s bad??”

“I can tell you if it’s good. I’m sure it’s good.” I smile. Sitting up I push my computer to the side, so I can focus on Lexa.

I stare off into space, focusing on getting a sharper image of her. Once I see her, I smile. She’s in her little peach colored leotard and pink point shoes in front of her. She is sitting on the floor, stretching her legs and pointing her toes. Putting her nose to her knee. “Ouch” I whisper. “No human can stretch like that…”

“So, what am I watching?? Like what’s the story behind it? Or what’s the assignment, or both??”

“So, this assignment is a dance for finals. So, it’s not due till the end of the year but it’s given to us now because we need to perfect it. The teacher asked for a ballet a story of something that has majorly impacted your life in a positive manor. I chose you. My piece is called Through our eyes, and I want it to be perfect. I wish I had another dancer, but I don’t. Anyways, I just need you to tell me if the dance portrays what I want it to.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm having trouble getting myself out of bed much less getting myself to write something good. My updates may slow down a bit, BUT I am not abandoning my stories. Both this one and my Amish Lexa one. I hope you like this and I hope you continue to stick around even though my updates will be slow for a little while. 
> 
> This isn't beta'd. I didn't even put this through spell check because I didn't feel like it. All mistakes are mine.

“I’d love to watch you, but I won’t be able to see while you’re dancing. Do you have skype? I see a computer with a webcam over there.”

“Oh right. I forgot, sometimes it feels like you are right here.” Lexa giggles.

“Yeah, it does.” I agree.

“What is your skype name??” She asks, walking to the computer.

“Slytheriffin.”

“Really Clarke. Slytheriffin???”

“Yes, it’s the mix between Slytherin and Gryffindor.”

“You’re so silly. Okay, I just added you. I’m called CommanderLex, and before you ask no I didn’t name it, my cousin picked it because I couldn’t think of anything.”

“I like it. Your cousin seems kinda cool”

“I guess. I don’t know her very well, she is pretty closed off. All I know is that she’s going through so much right now. So she is kind of mean, but it’s understandable. She’s in a really bad relationship, that’s based off of hurtful words, booze and sex. She’s gone all night most nights.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve been there though. I hope things get better.”

“Me too.”

“Okay I found you. I’m gonna call you okay??”

////

 

Watching Lexa dance is like watching birds fly. Their lift off is when Lexa starts the music. When she dances she’s weightless; Standing on the tips of her toes, it’s an ungodly pain, but god she looks beautiful doing it. Her Legs toned and hard, but she appears to be so soft, so delicate.   
She shows emotion on her face perfectly. Dancing through how scared she was in the beginning. How scary it is being able to see the world from someone else’s perspective. The music speeds up, and so does her dance. She spins and spins, around and around, holding her head in anguish. Her facial expression is showing distress and confusion. The music slows, she slows to a stop. Looking up to the ceiling, her arms spread wide, she bends back, her back arching, she’s on pointe. Her eyes are open wide, showing shock, her smile showing content and happiness.

The music comes to an end and she walks up to the computer, “That’s all I have for now, how was that??” she places her hands on her hips, asking so simply… like she didn’t just dance, like she didn’t just tell a story. Like that was so easy.

Seeing her through skype is the clearest picture of her I’ve ever seen. There is no Mirror to look through, there is no picture in the back of my mind. She’s right here, something tangible and more beautiful than I have ever seen her. Seeing her up close and clear makes me feel the need to sketch more details into my drawing. The little dimple when she smiles, and the deep curve of her lips. She is perfection, that dance was perfect, lacking an ending but that is just because we don’t have one. Leaving room for more dance as we have more to experience.

“You are zoning out on me Clarke.” Lexa giggles.

“I…I-I wow, I’m sorry it’s just so weird. Weird seeing you, so…here. I don’t know, but man Lexa, that was amazing. I absolutely loved it.”

“Really?!? Did it get the image across, I mean I know only you and I would be able to understand the entire meaning, but did it make a little sense?? See if I had another dancer, they could mirror me exactly. Mirror me, so that it would be through our eyes. One could see what I see and the other dancer could be what you would see. Although, I have no idea how you see things. Maybe you could write it down. Gosh, I have so many ideas for this dance. I really want to get a good grade on it. Also, if my teacher passes it, I could perform it for Finals. Which would be awesome, because I could get a scholarship to college if I do well enough. This matters so much to me, you. You matter so much to me, Clarke.” She sighed taking a big breath. I smile at her as she rambled off in excitement.

“Wow, excited. Happy looks good on you Lex.” She looks down at her feet, holding the edges of the sheer skirt around her waist. She blushes, redder than I have ever seen, as well. The picture in the mirror wasn’t nearly this clear.

“Thanks. Your opinion matters to me a lot. Even if you know nothing about Ballet. I’m glad you liked it.”

“I loved it, it was absolutely amazing and anyone who doesn’t love it. Is neither blind nor deaf just plain old fucking stupid.” I laugh. She laughed with me. Stood there in just her leotard and peachy colored completely see through skirt. Her long hair pulled up neatly into a bun. Her eyes smile when she smiles, her eyes bright green, they hold many wonders. Standing there in a room filled with mirrors, I see the smile I’ve been longing to see. Big and vibrant, all toothy and happy. We sit together just giggling.

“You’re so beautiful.” I whisper. Breaking our giggles.

“Clarke, you are so gay.” She smiles.

“So are you.” I reply.

“This is true…” Lexa nods. “Can you go to a mirror Clarke??”

“Sure.” I stand up and head to the bathroom, shutting the door I stand in front of the full length mirror on the back of the door. She walks up to one of the floor to ceiling mirrors in the dance studio she’s in. Placing a hand on the mirror, she looks at me with wonder.

“I want to feel you.” She whispers. “I want to feel your warmth, I want to feel what’s tangible Clarke. I want you to be here. God, I want, I want, I want. I just need to know you are here.” Her voice is shaky, breathy and low.

“Here, this is cool. I used to do this when I was little. Take your pulse, but focus on my breathing.” I instruct. She lifts to fingers to her pulse point on her neck. She closes her eyes, and I take deep slow breaths. I put my hand on my pulse point too, in the same spot, with the same hand she has hers.

“Can you feel it…the second heartbeat. Feel it in your fingers??” I ask.

Her eyes open and she looks at me. Her eyes red, and glassy. “In your fingers, that’s me Lexa. I am always right here. You can feel me whenever you want to. I’m here, I’m in reach, I am literally at your fingertips, no matter how many oceans away we are.”

“How did I get so lucky Clarke…” She mumbles.

“I’m asking myself the same question.” I smile.

I keep my fingers on my pulse point as she packs her bag to get ready for her walk home.

“I can feel it still. Like a dull and painless throbbing in my fingers. It’s so…so cool. I am enamored by you.” She hums as she walks out of the dance studio.

“You’re too much.” I giggle. “Lexa…I’m sleepy. Can you wake me when you get home, so I know you’re safe??”

“Of course, go to sleep Clarke. Sorry for keeping you up so late.”

“mmm It’s okay. I had fun.” I slur, closing my eyes I quickly fall asleep. Listening to Lexa’s steps crunch in the snow, her deep steady breaths.

//// ^^//^^

Clarke and I have spoken to each other every day for the past few months. Every day I wake up with a smile on my face because I know Clarke will say something about my eggs and ketchup. Then she goes away for a couple of minutes and comes back for the bacon, making a comment about how I should eat the bacon first because it gets cold. She argues with me about no carbs after 3:00p.m. and tells me my ‘ballet diet is a bunch of bull’. We argue about the little things, things that don’t really matter but it’s all fun and games. We throw banter around like we grew up together. She walks me home from ballet every night. Her excitement about the snow has made me like walking home; despite the weather.

I argue with her about doing her homework, because man her grades are scary. She is getting better though. I give her so much credit. She stopped drinking and we often stay up late together, sometimes she cries and talks about her father, about her friends and family in Australia. While I listen, wishing I could hold her. At least she isn’t numbing her life away with alcohol, and she lets herself cry. I’m happy she trusts me enough to let herself cry with me. I am glad she finds me her safe space.  

She asks me why I never cry, and I don’t tell her that my whole life I’ve been told not to cry, not to show my weaknesses. I can’t tell her that she cried over my families deaths more than I did. I can’t tell her that; I don’t want her to feel bad for crying. I would never ever tell someone not to cry, that crying is for the weak because it’s not. Crying is a healthy reaction and her reactions are perfectly okay.

My family is full of strong characters and they don’t cry. My mother always told me that it was okay to cry, that it’s okay love and live life. My father was the opposite. He would yell whenever I cried, telling me I was weak. Telling me to love is to be weak, and now every time I catch myself wanting to tell someone I love them I stop. I stop because the last person I loved they died on me too, and it was debilitating. I saw my weakness. My father’s words turned into a mantra that I repeated in my head every morning until I became warrior like. My strong facial expression never breaking and my heart encased in a bomb shelter. Unable to break, no matter what kind of explosive you toss my way.

I never expected someone to have they key though. For the blonde hair, blue eyes, and alabaster skin to walk in all smiley and glowing. Opening a door that had been closed for so long it rusted over. I didn’t even know there was a possibility for key. I had even forgot it had a door, and she slips in so easily. Showing my heart the light of day, something it hadn’t seen in a while.

I ask the universe all the time why the one person in the world who can break my walls down, and make me smile is so far away, close enough that I can feel her heart beat but so goddamn far away. I break a little every time I see the distance between us. Every time I hear her raspy laugh catch in her throat.

The thing about love is, it’s hard to resist. You can deny it forever, it’ll just make you crazy. If you give in, it’ll still make you crazy. Each crazy is different, but each can still end in pain. It’s a gamble that I never wanted to take. I took it with Costia, and lost everything in one night.

I have been conditioned to be afraid of love. As of right now, my worst fear is losing Clarke. But god I want to love her. I want to be carefree with her. I want to walk on the beach and have deep conversations about the unexplored, and I don’t want to ignore it. Because whether I knew it or not she has always been the one that is here for me. She hasn’t left me. And the shittier things got the more she was there, and I cannot be more thankful.

She is what I wanted to base my dance off of because she is my positivity. She was able to inspire a dance, I haven’t been able to do choreography for a dance in so long because I’ve never had the muse. I never had an experience. I’ve never had a story I wanted to tell. I do now though. I’ve always danced my way through hard times, I never thought I’d be ending a dance with tears of happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely feedback, and comments. It makes my day knowing that someone likes what I write, especially when I don't.   
> Stay safe and happy little beans!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry my updates come so infrequently, but I have to take care of myself and I have a hard time writing something good and taking care of my mental health at the same time.  
> I will try to update this Fic on every *First Wednesday of the month* 
> 
> This isn't beta'd and there is an Nsfw bit in here and it's my first time ever writing anything like that so feedback and constructive Criticism will and always is taken into account.

As soon as I wake up, my stomach churns craving something I haven’t had in a while. Either, sex, or Vodka, or maybe both. Today is the anniversary of my father’s death. I find there is no other way to numb the pain of his death other than, good/okay sex and heavy doses of alcohol. Every year on this day, that is what I do. The only problem with this year is that I have another person to think about. A person that I seem to care about more than I care for myself most days, but the craving inside me is proving to be more powerful than my own will to live because I’m headed across the bridge to the boys side of this dinky school, ringing the doorbell to Finns dorm room, my foot tapping on the floor; waiting for him to open the door.

The door swings open and I look up expecting to see Finn, but I see some—a little more than half naked—tall thin blonde with fucked up makeup. Really? They haven’t gotten out of bed yet either, it’s 2:00p.m.

“What do you want?” The girl asks.

“I’m looking for Finn.” I reply. I already don’t like this girl, but soon enough Finn comes around the corner from the kitchen, clad in only boxers, his hair tousled. For some reason, I still find him mildly attractive.

“I’m here.” he says, pushing his way through the girl as he leans on the frame of the door.

“I need booze.” I grumble.

Finn smiles, and scoffs, running a hand through his hair-that has gotten quite long since the last day I saw him, “Of course you do. I was expecting you, y’know. Every year like clock work no matter what state our relationship is in. What do I get, if I give you the booze?” he questions, like I owe him something.

“Sex. Obviously. If I had someone else to fuck I wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Ugh, I love it when you use me to numb your pain, Clarke.” I can’t tell if he was being serious, or sarcastic, maybe a little bit of both??

“Gross. So…can I have the alcohol now or???”

“Come on in,” He steps out of the way, holding the door open for me.

I walk in and he goes to the kitchen, reaching into the cabinet under the sink he pulls out a few different drinks. Cinnamon Whiskey, Tequila, and Vodka. A terrible, terrible mix, but it’ll fuck you up real good, and that’s what I’m here for.

“So,” He hums, getting glasses down from the cabinets.

“How’ve you been? You look good griffin.”

“Been fine. You don’t. Look good, that is.” I mumble, grabbing my glass of whiskey, and downing it before he even has a chance to say something else. “More”

He looks at me hesitant but ends up pouring more anyways. “I’ll give you the money to replace it too. Don’t worry, I’m not that much of a leach.”

“I wasn’t worried about the money, Clarke. I was worried about your liver.”

“Aw, he does care. Imagine that.” I scoff. Looking at the taller, much thinner blonde that’s stretched out on the couch. She just rolls her eyes and gets back to watching t.v.

“Really Finnigan. I didn’t peg you for the super model type, but you did always want what you didn’t have, and I…am definitely not that.” I put my glass down and slide it over to him, “More.”

His only response is to roll his eyes, and pour me more whiskey.

The cinnamon burns my throat so good. I can feel it on the way down before it settles in my stomach. I grab my shot glass with the jokers face on it and slide it to him.

He pours tequila first, and slides It over to me. The burn of the tequila is twice as bad as the whiskey, it makes my eyes water and my face scrunch up, but it’s starting to numb the hurt I feel as the room starts to slowly spin.

“I think we should wait until all of what you just drank gets through your system before having more Clarke.”

I put my shot glass down in front of him. “Pour. Me. more. Or I’ll just drink from the bottle.” I growl.

We go on like this for hours.

Now, why do I come to Finn for these things? Because he’s the only one that has alcohol on campus _and_ he doesn’t know any of my friends or family to tell them how much I’ve consumed. Also, because he is capable of providing mediocre sex, that I have no one else for.

Once it hits 7:30 the alcohol is completely gone, I’m completely wasted, and both of our clothes are completely off. Oh, and the tall blonde has left.

“Did I mention that I love it when you use me Clarke.” Finn says with a smile. (So maybe he wasn’t being sarcastic?? I don’t know?)

“Have you noticed that I have to be black out drunk in order to get in bed with you? It’s always been that way.” My words jumble and slur, but he knows me well enough to understand what I said.

“Just fuck me, cum, maybe give me an orgasm, and take me home.” I growl.

“As the princess wishes.” Finn replies. Ridding himself of his socks-because being completely naked with only socks on is fucking weird.-

He puts all of his energy and stamina into fucking me. The room smells of sweat, and is filled with his grunts that only make me cringe. I can hear Lexa in the back of my head saying “So many het men think sex is sticking their dick in and out of something, and if that’s all they do, that’s some pretty bad sex.” I scoff, because, that’s exactly what Finn does, and it’s 100% correct. It’s very bad sex, but I won’t remember it when I wake up in the morning anyways.

He, comes, I don’t. But I can’t feel my own face at this point so it doesn’t really matter.

He gets dressed, and assists me with putting my pajamas back on before carrying me back across the bridge and into my dorm room.

Unfortunately we run into Monroe on the way to our room.

“Woah, uhm. Is she okay?” Monroe asks.

“Yeah, just really drunk.”

“Ohh right, it’s that time of the year again.” She exhales sharply before setting all of her stuff down, and grabbing me from Finns arms.

“Alright. I’ll stay with her. Don’t worry okay.”

“Wasn’t gonna,” Finn scoffs before leaving.

“What a fucking dick,” She grumbles under her breath.

“Really Clarke? I thought you were over this.”

“My father got executed, how could I ever be over it.” I murmur.

“Not that, idiot. The, drinking everything in your path to cope thing, I thought you were over it.”

“Oh that. I was, but I never stray away from tradition.”

“Closer to a year than you think kid.”

“Okay, put me down; I’m gonna throw up now.” I mutter covering my mouth, as she takes off for the bathroom, placing me on the floor next to the toilet. I feel like my intestines might come out with the drinks. The burn of the alcohol is still on strong, only this time it’s mixed with stomach acid; and the burn isn’t as good a feeling.

“Dear god griffin, what did you drink that was that color!?” Monroe questions.

“Fireball.” I manage to get out before the next bottle of whatever comes back up.

Then Monroe sets me up with a bucket, paper towels, ibuprofen and cold water by my bed before she leaves for Class. I lay in bed, and immediately feel like I’m going to die. Sometimes I wish I would so I wouldn’t have to feel anymore. My head feels swimmy and I know it’s Lexa, but I really don’t want to talk to her. I don’t need to be lectured, especially not right now.

She pushes harder and harder to talk to me until my head feels so congested I might blow up, so I give up on trying to push her out. To intoxicated to even care.

“Clarke…you feel funny. You smell disgusting. A-are you drunk? It’s only like…9:00p.m. there.” She says. Her soft soothing voice annoying me in this moment.

“I am and it is.”

“Well, are you okay. At least?”

“No, Lexa, I’m not okay. If I was okay, you wouldn’t have to ask. Y’know you do have access to my head, why don’t you ever use it?” I growl.

“It’s called being polite, something you obviously don’t know how to be.”

“What are you? Canadian? You’re an American, aren’t you supposed to just take stuff that isn’t yours?”

“I guess I’m an exception. I _never_ take things that don’t belong to me, Clarke.” Lexa growls, clearly frustrated, and not up for an argument, which is good for me.

“What’s up your ass anyways.” I ask.

“Today was my dance. You weren’t there, my uncle and cousin weren’t there, no one was there for me. I watched all of the other dancers get flowers, praise and hugs from their parents while I get dressed and walk back home by myself. I got the scholarship to the American dance academy for college in New York. I wasn’t supposed to know until next week, but the scout came and told me. He said, I was the best dancer here, and he was incredibly surprised considering my age. He then said, that basically means I got in, and he’ll call me sometime next week.”

“Fuck. Lexa, I am so sorry. I—i—“

“You forgot. I know. You can’t really be sorry when your shit faced Clarke. Do you really care anyways?”

“I do care Lexa. and I am sorry. I had other things on my mind when I woke up this afternoon. But if it’s any consolation, I am incredibly proud of you. I’ve seen your dance, I know how amazing you are. I’m not surprised you got the scholarship.”

“Thanks”

“Do you want to celebrate tomorrow?” I ask. “I’ll do _anything_ to make it up to you.”  

“I want you Clarke. I to feel what you feel like, I want to bury my face in your neck and be surrounded by everything Clarke. I WANTED YOU TO BE HERE FOR ME.” She yells. I can feel tears drip down her face, I can feel her wipe them off.

“I’m sorry Lexa. I’m sorry I wasn’t-I’m not there.” “I’m sorry we are so far apart.”

“Then put your hand in mine and touch me. let me know you’re just a little bit here.”

I reach over to my own hand and squeeze it, lacing my fingers together like I would if I held her hand. “Lexa I’m right here, I’m always right here,” I whisper.

Lexa grabs her right hand and squeezes it back. Our pulses in each other’s fingertips, I run my hand up my arm and she shivers; blinking away tears she does the same thing back. The hairs on my arms stand on end, and I get goosebumps as I feel her light touch ghost over my arm.

“Mirror?” Lexa asks.

I stand up carefully and drag myself to the bathroom mirror, sitting down on the floor in front of it she sits in front of hers too.

“You’re beautiful. Even when you look like you drank your weight in alcohol.” Lexa smiles. Looking me in the eyes, her green eyes remind me of the smell after it rains. Fresh and clean, everything so vibrant and green. I could look her in the eyes forever and be content with life.

“Clarke,” She cries.

I continue to trail my fingertips over my body and Lexa follows; we watch each other in the mirror, and it feels as though we could be right next to each other.

*

Clarke slips out of her clothes and throws them to the side. I’m faced with Clarke, her eyes pale blue and glassy. She’s wearing a matching set of dark blue underwear, it contrasts with her alabaster skin, and brings out her eyes in ways I can only explain as breathtaking. Like the sky on cloudless days. I am sure I am going to lose all the control I have worked incredibly hard to keep just because of the sight in front of me. I have never lost control of anything, not even in situations like this one, but there is something incredibly addictive about Clarke. Her curves, the way she sways her hips when she walks, her light laughs, and her light laughs but her boldness is what kills me.

“Clarke, do you have a clue how hot you are?” I question. Gliding my nails down the sensitive skin of her neck. Wishing to plant kisses along Clarkes jaw line. Yearning to bite, lick, and suck at the vein on her neck. Needing to hear her little gasps, and taste the saltiness of her skin.

“I could say the same for you.” Clarke shudders.

My hands travel across my collarbones, I look at Clarke as her head tilts back just a little, her mouth hung open I can hear her breathing become uneven.  Under my fingertips, I no longer feel my own skin, but a smooth warmth like milk, and honey. I feel the dip of _her_ collarbone across her chest, and down her left arm. Skimming my nails across her stomach. She makes a strangled noise in the back of her throat, that only makes me wish to do more. Clarke’s skin is soft, and supple, my fingers glide over her stomach like a flame of wind-blown fire. I pull away but I can feel her arch back into my touch.

“Clarke,” I mumble.

Her hands follow the same path as mine, but lighter, her fingers trace every inch of my body as I did to her I can hear her pleasant hums, and breathy requests for me to continue.

“Lexa, I’m drunk, and bad at controlling myself, if you want to stop…now would be the time to do so.” Clarke states, raggedly.  

“I don’t want to stop Clarke...but if you do, that’s another story.”  

“I don’t _want_ to either but—oh god,”  I scrape my nails along my thighs. Interrupting her sentence, while making her eyes water with want, and legs tremble from the sheer need of this happening.

Clarke makes her way back to her bed, leaving all her clothes behind, and locking her bedroom door. I do the same.

*

Our rooms are hot, so I push  my blanket to the floor, move everything around me that could be making me so warm. But it doesn’t work, it’s Lexa’s touch that’s making my skin burn like liquid fire. She reaches down between my legs and rubs tight circles over my clit making me jump, squeezing my legs together “Ouch Careful, super sensitive.”

“Sorry.” She whispers with a smile, using less pressure but in this case less in more.

Lexa bites her lip and makes me squirm as she splays her other hand across my stomach. “More.” I rasp.

I slide my own hand down, and blush at knowing how wet this has gotten me. Someone, an ocean away is doing this to me, and I am too drunk to be embarrassed for long. Scraping my nails along my thigh, and across my lower stomach, making Lexa’s own legs quiver under my touch. Hearing her moans, makes my brain short circuit and puts butterflies in my belly.

“How’d I know you’d be a tease.” Lexa says languidly. Her voice has a certain rasp to it that’s enough to sober me up, and intoxicate me all over again.

I don’t have it in me to multi-task, so I focus on teasing, and pleasing the girl under my hands instead of talking.

I slide two fingers into my wetness, and Lexa digs her nails into my thigh. Throwing her head back, it hits her headboard, we can’t help but stop and giggle about it.  “Clarke,” she trembles.

Curling my fingers up, Lexa jolts, gyrating her hips along with my rhythm. She rubs faster and adds more pressure and it hurts me a little but it’s a good kind of hurt, especially knowing how desperate she is right now. My hips buck, and my body writhes with hers as fire pools low in my belly, causing our abs to clench and convulse.  Mumbling incoherent reassurances as we both finally relax, all the muscles in my body are sore and tired. My hair is sticking to my neck and my sheets to my back, but I know I am way too drunk to get up by myself.

“Lexa?” I call out, making sure she’s okay as she is completely quiet.

“Clarke.” She mumbles.

“Good, you’re still here.”

“Mhmm.”

“How’d you know that would work?” I ask.

“I didn’t. But I mean, I slap you all the time by slapping myself so if you feel that one would usually assume you’d feel everything else.” Lexa hums. “Sorry. I know you’re drunk, and I hope that this doesn’t ruin our friendship.”

“It won’t ruin anything,” I smile. “It’s not like we would be any good at staying away from each other. But yeah, thanks for this.”

“Yeah, you’re welcome.”

“Mmm-tired.”

“Go to sleep, I’m right here if you need me.”

/

I wake up at 11:00, groaning at the bright light coming through the shades and cursing my bad habits. My breakfast comes straight out the medicine cabinet, too nauseous to eat anything substantial. I lay back in bed throwing a pillow over my face and I wait three hours for Lexa to wake up.

I smile hearing her light sighs as she’s still asleep, and probably just as hung over as I am. My stomach drops remembering the events of last night, the drinking, the bad sex, the good but oceans apart sex, and our small conversation before I fell asleep. How content she sounded, how good I felt. How maybe that day will turn into something more than just my father’s date of death. Maybe it can turn into the day Lexa and I got together, and didn’t stop getting together after that. Maybe it can be the date of something positive, something to celebrate instead of something to mourn. I can’t mourn my entire life, I have to be able to say goodbye, I have to look out for myself, and Lexa. As well as remember that I’m not alone this time. Even if I feel like I am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are incapable of saying things in a nice and respectful manner just don't say anything at all. 
> 
> !!!!Stay safe little space beans!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!! I'm back! I know its been a while. I've gotten over my writers block along with some other things life decided to throw at me! This chapter is short but you will be getting a longer one around this time next week! Thank you for reading, thank you to the people who have stuck around even though I'm shit at updating. I'm back and ready to go!

It’s a three weeks before Lexa’s end-of-year dance, and she books studios all the time and dances until the morning, trying to perfect her dance. She apologizes for keeping me awake with aching feet and legs. But I don’t mind. Every time a move is perfected her beaming smile, and soft giggle is all worth the pain.

She still speaks about a second dancer so I’ve decided to call in a favor with an old friend of mine. Even if I have to jump through an unwanted hoop to get to her, for Lexa, I will.

“Hello?” He picks up on the second ring.

“Hey wells, it’s Clarke.”

“Clarke! Hi, how are you?? You sound good.”

“Good, I’m good. Are you still dating Lorelei?” I ask. Cutting to the chase not really wanting to talk to him.

“I am” He hums.

“I need a favor from her. Is she busy?”

“No, she’s graduated.” He states, letting me know she’s graduated from Australia’s school for dance.

“No way! That’s awesome, did she get into the company?”

“Yup she’s with the company.”

“Well, could you give me her number?” I ask.

“Sure.” He states dryly. Probably sad I’m not calling for him, but just hearing his voice makes me mad. It seems I still have stuff to get over before I can speak to him about what I’m mad about.

He rattles off her number at the top of his head and I write it down quickly before rushing out my goodbyes and hanging up.

Seconds later I dial her number and try to settle my nerves as it rings.

“Who’s this?” She asks immediately.

“It’s Clarke. Clarke Griffin.” I smile.

“Oh hey, how are you? Long time no speak.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while, I’m good. How are you??” I question.

“I’m great. It’s so good to hear from you Clarke. How’s London?”

“Everything’s good. I have friends, and I’ve stopped drinking. My grades are actually better than just passing this year. Things are looking up for me.”

“Wow, that’s so good. I am so proud of you!”

“Thank you. Wells told me you got into the company! That’s so exciting. I never doubted it for a second!”

“I couldn’t believe I got it. There are so many talented dancers that didn’t get in, I thought for sure I would fuck it all up.” Lorelei explains.

“You’re one of the most talented dancers I’ve seen by far. Far more than everyone else in your class.”

“Thank you, Clarke. Means a lot coming from another artistic set of eyes.” I can hear her smile just through her voice.

“Are you busy with the company this month?” I inquire.

“Not really.” She hums.

“Are you up for a trip then?”

“What kind of trip?”

“Well, one of my friends in the U.S is a dancer. And she has a dance coming up in about three weeks. She’s choreographed the whole thing herself but she needs a second dancer, she’s allowed to bring in one person that’s not from her school to dance with her for this assignment. And she isn’t confident to do it herself. This is her chance to not only move up a grade but get into a company one day. I was wondering if you’d be her second person??”

“I have absolutely no problem with being her second person. But I don’t know how I’m going to get there. I haven’t been working lately because we don’t have many choreographers to teach the hundreds of us shows, plus I had to send some to my parents so they could keep their house.” She explains.

“That’s okay. Absolutely no worries. I have you covered. I’ll wire you some for food and hotel of your choice, and I’ll get your plane ticket. Just get a hotel room with two rooms. Sound good?”

“Sounds amazing. How do I know where I am in terms of the airport, and who’s going to be on the other end. I’ve never been to America before.”

“We can do a three way skype call? You can meet her, I can tell her I found her an amazingly talented and beautiful second dancer. And you can see her squeal with happiness.”

“Sounds great. I’m free any time today. Just text me when and I’ll send you my skype name thingy.”

“Sounds like a plan!”

“Bye Clarke. See ya soon.”

“See you soon.” I smile.

I am so happy my plan worked out! Now I have to try my hardest not to tell Lexa until we can skype. Which means not letting her in my head until we can skype.

So, I go about my day going to my first class of the day which is after lunch time. Paying attention, doing my work. Trying to push away Lexa’s incessant need to talk to me. I can feel her trying to come through, and get my attention, but it won’t work. Because If I talk to her, I’ll get too excited and ruin the surprise. I really want Lorelei to see how cute Lexa is when she gets excited.

In art class I draw Lexa, I draw the shape of her jaw line and cheekbones in the margins of my notes.(Only when I’m finished with my notes of course.) I draw the shape of her full pink lips in my sketch book. Her collar bones and the way her hair falls across them. It seems I am obsessed with the shape of her. How elegant and lengthy she is. She’s beautiful and my eyes hurt from thinking about how she looks. I wonder if she’d send me a picture of her.

Once class is over I go back to my dorm and into the shower. Feeling gross from the school day. I let Lexa in.

“Clarke! I have been worried sick about you! How dare you ignore me for so long! I am so mad at you!!” Lexa scolds immediately.

“Me? Lexa. You’re going to feel like a dick for yelling at me.” I smile.

“Why?” She asks.

“You’ll see. Can we skype in ten? I have someone I’d like you to meet.”

“Who?”

“Don’t worry about that until you meet her.”

“I guess we can skype. It’s almost three here. So, ten there. Okay.”

“Alright. Now leave me alone so I can shower in peace and I will see you in about ten minutes.”

“Kay. Bye.” She hums before she disappears.

I take my shower quicker than I have ever showered before in my life. And I text Lorelei and ask her for her skype name.

Once it comes through I add her and she adds me back. I call her first and we chat for ten minutes before we add Lexa.

“Clarke! HI” Lexa squeals.

“Clarke….why? Who? How’d? Lorelei Singh that’s who you are. CLARKE what did you do!?” Lexa looks at me with narrow eyes.

“Lorelei, meet Lexa. My very adorable friend from the U.S. Lexa, meet Lorelei a childhood friend of mine.” I introduce them and Lexa stands up and squeals, prancing around in circles around her bedroom.

“Hello Lexa. It’s nice to meet you.” Lorelei smiles, waving a small shy hello. Lexa’s smile is bigger than I’ve ever seen it to be. Her face is red and I swear there may be tears welling up in her eyes.

“Oh my god. I- you’re an amazing dancer. I watched your final. I watched you get accepted in to the Australian company. Clarke I hate you for not telling me Lorelei Singh is your friend. HOW DARE YOU NOT SHARE THIS UNTIL NOW!” She gushes, then yells. I simply laugh because I know she won’t be able to stay mad at me for very long considering what I have in store for her.

“Okay, Lexa I need you to sit down, take a deep breath, because this is not even the smallest part of the surprise.” With that, she immediately sits down, and does her best to calm her jittery excitement that’s seeping from her pores.

“Lorelei is catching a plane in three days to be your dance partner for your final.” Once I deliver the news she cannot contain herself. She screeches so loud we both have to take out our headphones as we smile watching Lexa’s outburst.

“No, no, no you’re kidding me!? She’s coming here?? What? Why? For me? I don’t…I can’t…. How?” She’s like a pot of boiling water with the heat turned all the way up, unable to stop herself from bubbling over with excitement long enough to make a complete and coherent sentence.

“Clarke called me up earlier today and asked me if I was busy and luckily, I don’t have much going on this month due to lack of choreographers in my company so Clarke has been nice enough to pay for a ticket down there, hotel and everything. So, I will be seeing you in three days. And you have to teach me this dance so I can get it right for your final. Sound good?” Lorelei explains.

“Sounds….like a dream.” Lexa smiles, letting her tears fall.

“Oh dear. Don’t cry, you’ll make me cry. It’s okay.”

“I just..i can’t believe… thank you. Thank you Clarke, and thank you for agreeing. Wow, I’m so excited!”

“Well, I have to go, but I will see you in three days. I’ll text you through skype so I can keep in contact with you. Okay Lexa?”

“Okay, goodbye, thanks again! You have no idea how much this means to me.” Lexa gushes one last time before Lorelei hangs up.

Once she does Lexa sits in silence, remembering the last hour or so conversations with one of her favorite dancers. She looks at me and smiles, and once she comes back out of her fantasy world she thanks me again and again. Never have I ever met a person so grateful for something in my entire life. I can’t wait to see her face when she meets Lorelei in person.

We spend a few more hours talking until Lexa is so tired she can barely keep her eyes open. So, I sit with her in silence as I watch her fall asleep. Her ever so slight sighs and her lips upturned into a beautiful little smile. Once I’m sure she’s asleep I say goodnight as quietly as possible and I hang up.

I have one more surprise in store for her, I can’t wait to see her face when she figures it out. She’ll have to wait three days of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.  
> Feedback and constructive criticism is always welcomed, as long as you can do it nicely. 
> 
> !!Stay safe little planetariums!!


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